Category Archives: Shopping

A disturbing peek into my psyche

Here’s a sad story. When the weather allows, I like to take a break from work and visit the Strand’s kiosk in Central Park. While there, I methodically browse through all the books on sale, starting at one end and making my way to the other without skipping a single book. But this isn’t the sad part!

Continue reading

Hell on wheels

We got a Mercedes Benz! Well, we’re leasing one. Actually, we’re leasing half of one. We’re leasing a smart car.

Here we go!

Here we go!

I never expected to own a car in New York. For the past twenty years I’ve been telling people that the reason I live here is because I don’t need to drive. Then again, I never expected to own a house. Or for that matter, to ever buy clothes anywhere other than thrift stores, and yet here we are.

Continue reading

Music, fashion, and fascism

I went shopping for jeans during my lunch hour yesterday. I hadn’t visited H&M in years, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that, judging from the low prices and the quality of the fabric, their clothes are now designed to be immediately disposable. While I wasn’t particularly taken by how I looked in their $19.95 jeans, I stuck around a bit longer to listen to the music they were playing. It sounded like light 80s funk, but I suppose it’s a new genre that I’m too uncool to know about.

I shuffled off to Banana Republic, despite knowing that the last pair of jeans I bought there made me look like I was wearing adult diapers (I wasn’t!). The music at the store was a little more exciting, and it occurred to me that by going shopping more often I could catch up on borderline-cool new music without the mortification of being rejected by bouncers. The blue jeans at Banana Republic (is anyone else offended by the name of this store, by the way?) were “pre-stressed,” which I find terribly annoying – Baudrillard has been dead for five years and I had hoped we could all move on. Thankfully, as seems to be the norm, there was a Gap next door.

Continue reading

A report from the mortuary

I decided that I needed a new coat, and after not being able to find a suitable one at H&M or The Gap – I clearly am not very imaginative when it comes to shopping – my wife convinced me that we should take a look at Saks Fifth Avenue.

This day was the coldest it had been all year (hence my revelation that I needed a new coat), but that didn’t discourage the mobs of morons standing outside the store looking at its famous Christmas displays. I can only guess that the Midwestern states are far behind in the science of animatronics, because I can’t imagine why else one would stand in a crowd of obese families wearing baseball hats and garish basketball shoes in freezing temperatures.

Continue reading